On Monday we went to Manor Park in Glossop. It was nice and sunny, and Charlie went on the little train that goes all around the park. I’m not sure what it is with Dad’s and playing with their kids but whenever Kyle plays with him he seems to have an accident. They were playing a race game of who could run to the next tree first. Charlie got a bit over excited probably because Kyle gets over competitive. He was running at speed and didn’t realise he actually had to stop and face planted the tree head on. A nice bump and graze above his eye for nursery on Tuesday. Good work Kyle. Fatherly bonding at its best on one of your few days off! I think it was karma as earlier on Charlie had decided to grab the pram and push Jorgie into the biggest bush he could find before I quickly yanked it back off him. That baby is going to be as hard as nails the amount of crap she has to put up with from him.

Tuesday was the most turd-like day ever. It started okay as I nailed the morning routine, managed to get the kids dressed and in the car and even managed to make pulled pork in the slow cooker. I also went to the gym (go me!) and was early for picking Charlie up from nursery at lunchtime but it all went downhill from there.

Charlie was in the foulest mood ever when I picked him up because he was tired. He had already eaten lunch at nursery but when I got to my mums he still demanded a bowl of shreddies, then buttered bread, then chocolate stars but he had an absolute meltdown when my mum wouldn’t give him orange cordial without any water. No matter how she tried to reason with him he wanted a glass of orange cordial on its own with no water added.  In the end I just told him it was highly poisonous if you don’t add water and he would have to be rushed to hospital if he drank it. He shut up then so that seemed to work.

We had planned to go to Daisy Nook for a walk but then the heavens opened so we decided to go to Chuckles Play Centre instead. Cue the next breakdown. He didn’t want to go Chuckles as he wanted to go to Daisy Nook, so he lay down in the mud on a flower bed in my mum’s front garden. After picking him up with great difficulty as he was squirming he kicked mud all over the front of my dress. Never mind at least I had managed to get the mini terrorist into the car.

We met my Auntie and cousin at Chuckles with their kids, so Charlie was excited and played nicely for all of half an hour before he was mithering me or my mum to play with him. Those soft play centres are like a military army assault course. I needn’t have gone to the gym in the morning and I looked bloody ridiculous climbing through tunnels and up rope nets with a bright orange maxi dress on. He’s done really well with the toilet this week but randomly decided he wasn’t going to use it in the play centre and just wee in his pants instead. So, two changes of clothes later and we were ready to go. However, given that he didn’t even want to come in the first place he now didn’t wanted to leave so I prepared for tantrum number 3.

We finally left at 5pm. Perfect timing as rush hour had just kicked in.  My petrol light had come on, so we stopped at Asda. Now either I’m really blonde or the pumps weren’t working properly. I’m guessing that I’m really blonde so after trying two and seeing a van full of workmen watching I decided to try another supermarket which meant we were even later.

I had to drop my mum off at home and pick the dog up but when we got there Jorgie was screaming that hysterically that I actually wondered if there was something broken in her vocal cords. She had just been changed and fed and she wasn’t poorly. Turns out she just wanted a cuddle for 20 minutes which my mum was happy to give. She’s probably fed up of Charlie stealing the limelight.

Charlie then decided he needed a wee again so rather than take our shoes off and go all the way upstairs at my mums I decided to take him in the back garden. Unfortunately, he started weeing before I had got his pants down, so I bent down to try and aim his wee away from his pants. The wee shot up in the air like a water fountain and landed on the back of my head and down my dress.

After changing his pants we got in the car to drive home when he needed a wee again. I had the potty in the car, so I stopped on a busy main road in rush hour with a muddy dress and wee drenched hair whilst Charlie sat on a potty on the pavement next to me with a que of cars passing us by.

I eventually got home around half 6 when Kyle had already arrived home from work and we had dry pulled pork for tea to which Charlie commented “I don’t like this chicken. It is not good”.

Wednesday wasn’t much better. I picked Charlie up from nursery and he was mega tired again. He fell asleep about 10 mins from home and woke up as soon as we got home. That put him in a grumpy silly mood for the rest of the day.  It started when I walked into the living room and for no apparent reason what so ever he said, “I don’t like you, I don’t like your face or your head”. Cheers pal there’s nothing like a confidence boost when I’m tired and feel like crap anyway.

We set off for Tandle Hill Country Park whilst on the way he repeatedly tried to take his shoes off and cried like his world was ending when he couldn’t pull them off himself or because I wouldn’t help him due to driving the car.

I commented to Kyle that I really needed to shave my legs which Charlie must have mentally saved in his head because when we got to the park and café which was a swarming hive of people he said “Hairy Mary. Mummy why are you as hairy as a man?”.

We went for a walk after the park and I then experienced what must be every parent’s nightmare when he ran off and I couldn’t find him anywhere. Kyle was feeding Jorgie and I had gone to look in the trees with Charlie when he disappeared. My heart was in my mouth and a nice lady with a little girl started to help me look for him. We eventually found him on the park which he had run all the way back to!

Needless to say, he got seriously reprimanded and ending up falling over and cutting both of his knees. He was hysterically crying and saying, “I’m never coming home and I’m not coming on holiday neither”. I thought well that’s fine it will save us a considerable amount of money and stress and I would quite enjoy not having to negotiate with a mini ticking time bomb with a personality disorder.

Considering he nearly gave me a heart attack he then melted my heart on the way home when he started to sing the chorus of ‘Don’t Look Back in Anger’, in the car. It was too cute and after finding her arms the other day, Jorgie also found her feet so all was not lost, and the day ended on a more positive note. Roll on weekend now!

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